I’ve always enjoyed working. It’s just who I am. I enjoy the challenge of completing a task and using my brain to solve problems. I also enjoy the social aspect that comes with the job and the making money part of it. Most people who know me well, know this about me.
I tried staying home when I had my second daughter, Layla, back in 2011. I resigned from my full-time teaching position to stay home. The lush green pastures of stay-at-home-motherhood seemed like a Mecca of sorts to me. I had high hopes for myself as a mom and house wife. I just knew I was going to be one of those awesome SAHMs that kept a clean house, had the kids on a schedule, cooked and exercised regularly and was the picture of perfection when my husband came home.
The reality was that being a SAHM was a much more lonely venture than I realized it would be. Sure, I was around my kids all day but the oldest wasn’t even two years old yet and those conversations were not quite as mentally stimulating as I had hoped. (“Bubble Guppies?? Want! Want!” or “Baby sleeping??”) And so I spiraled downward into a depression I never saw coming, while piling on the pounds and losing my zest for life. I was living the epitome of post partum depression and I didn’t even realize it.
Thankfully, God saw fit to pull me out of that pit. He quite literally dropped a job in my lap that was perfect for every aspect of my life. It was a 2-day-a-week teaching position at a small private school teaching Spanish to elementary and middle school. I loved that I would still have some days home with my kids but I would also get out of the house to do something I enjoyed. I ended up staying there for 4 wonderful years.
This past year of my life, I split between two jobs at two different pharmacies. When I left my part-time teaching, our family’s finances were such that it required me to make a little more money than I was currently making. It was a long year for me with many frustrations and inner struggles.
Again, God saw fit to pull me out of that pit as well! (Thank you LORD!) My husband was able to secure a wonderful job that has provided above and beyond what we need on it’s own so we decided I would quit my job and stay home with the kids again. You may be wondering why I would give this another try when it ended so horribly last time. Well, my answer is that God changes people and makes them capable of so much more than they think they can do. You see, I thought being a SAHM was impossible for me. I never saw myself being able to do it well or happily. But going into this time was so different. I didn’t have unrealistic expectations. I knew my house would be messy most of the time. I knew I would be wearing grungy clothing most days and probably not get to shower more than every three days. (Oh, don’t you go judging me on that one. I happen to know for a FACT this is a real “thing” for SAHMs. Psh!) I knew I would be tired and not get very many breaks from my “job” because it’s a 24/7 job. And yet, I was excited beyond belief to get to do it.
Why? Because God changed me. He changed my heart and my desires. He changed my goals and expectations. He changed me in the best ways possible and for that I am so thankful.
I now have three daughters, Brooklyn (almost 7), Layla (5) and Charity (20 months). I will be homeschooling the older two this year (kindergarten and 2nd grade) as well because I wanted to throw some extra crazy into the mix. We live in a very small townhouse right now with only two bedrooms and no yard. It’s cramped and some days I feel claustrophobic, but God has helped me through those days and I know He will continue to do so. It won’t always be easy but I do believe it will be well worth it.
This is our new beginnings…