Living in Domestic Delirium

As a very non-domestic house wife, I struggle heavily with keeping my home clean and tidy. I find myself drawn to the couch, my bed, the fridge and my phone much more often than to folding and putting away laundry, cleaning the kitchen or cleaning bathrooms. It’s just not there. Oh, I thought I was going to be THE best house wife when I tried it the first time, six years ago. I was having my second child and teaching high school Spanish full time.

I remember walking hobbling out of my classroom for the last time, and feeling this overwhelming sense of exhilaration and joy that I would now be staying home to raise my two daughters. This was what I had wanted since having my first daughter two years prior. We were finally in a place financially where we could afford me not working. Sure, we would be scrimping and saving and I would undoubtedly be a couponing master. My house would smell of fresh pine at all times, my kids would be on a perfect routine of sleeping through the night and taking two hour naps every day. I would be exercising and cooking healthy meals that would be ready upon my husband’s arrival home from work each day. Life was going to be amaaaaaazing…

Why are you laughing? #Iwillwaitforyoutostop #seriously #youcanstopnow

I had this idea that since I had always been an outstanding employee, organized, efficient and going above and beyond what my jobs had asked of me, that this would translate to being an awesome house wife.

Obviously, I was very naive. I would soon learn that the mundane, daily tasks required to “keep house” were akin to reading through the book of Leviticus. #nooffenseLeviticus

I would also learn that the life of a stay at home mom (aka SAHM) could be a very lonely, stinky (showers? What are those?), and exhausting life. (4-5 hour stretches of sleep were unheard of) Overall, being a SAHM was not the exciting or satisfying life I was expecting at all. I ended up going back to work part-time after 9 months of staying home.

That was 6 years ago. 5 years later, in May of 2016 I would once again embark on this journey of being a SAHM. God really wanted me to get the hang of this I guess. We now had three children and lived in a smaller space. I went into it with trepidation and a healthy dose of “what in the world are you thinking, God?”

Despite all my feelings of apprehension, I still had lofty goals to accomplish. The loftiest one was home schooling my children. I bought the books and got them all set up in Abeka Academy and we started with gusto over the summer. That was June.

By August, my children were enrolled in a new charter school in our area. Let’s just say that homeschooling was NOT working for us. Thankfully, God gave me peace about letting go of that and moving on to the charter school. He relieved me of any guilt or shame I might have felt for not being able to do this thing I thought was holier and better for my children. I have nothing against homeschooling; it was simply not our time for that adventure. And I’m totally OK with that! I’m not even ruling it out for the future when my kids are older.  Maybe when I no longer have toddlers needing my attention…

So I got my first failure as a SAHM out of the way…PHEW! I have had many more failures as a house wife over the past year. BUT, I have also grown closer in my walk with the Lord and have found my identity in Him, rather than how instagram-photo-worthy my home is.

The Lord understands that it’s basically pointless to try to clean house while a 2 year old follows you around. Toddler hands are naturally dirty and sticky at all times and they have a penchant for touching anything that was just cleaned. In my home, that’s probably because things don’t look clean and shiny very often, so when they do, it’s a big deal and the kids want to touch it.  #touchallthecleanthings

I’m not a crafty mom. I’m not an OCD cleaning mom. I’m not a get-on-the-floor-and-play-with-toys mom. I’m not a spontaneous, get up and go mom. I’m not an outdoorsy person. I’m terrified of my kids drowning so we don’t do a lot of swimming, and only if daddy can come with us. I don’t feed my kids organic food. My kids eat lunchables as a well-rounded meal. #thecrackersareround

So…what kind of mom am I exactly? Doesn’t sound like I’m a whole lotta fun. #mypoorkids I will play video games with them, watch movies with them, play games like “I spy” and “20 questions”, I’ll take them pretty much anywhere indoors that has a play area (AC is required), and I will go to friend’s houses (or have friends over) for play dates. I will go to all school parties and functions and drag the toddler with me. I will teach them piano and sing with them. I will take lots of selfies with them and I will occasionally let them make slime. #bestmomever That’s the kind of mom I am.

I have learned to be comfortable in who I am as a mom/wife/person/Christian, while also striving to grow and improve on myself. I don’t fall into any specific “type” of SAHM. (Is rando-mom a type?) I love to laugh and I love to tell stories and make others laugh. I guess I’m the sarcastic, funny mom who loves her kids but also makes fun of them sometimes. #notashamed #theymightneedtherapyoneday #ohwell

I’m also a mom trying to lose weight and get healthier. I run and go to Body Pump classes. I feel like my workouts should be getting easier, but I guess as you approach 40, there is an opposite effect which causes each workout to become more difficult than the last. I take my Plexus pink drink and vitamins and supplements to give me more energy and make me feel better. And they help. And I feel better. But I don’t LOVE exercising. It is a #necessaryevil in my life. I recently started back to tracking my macros. As in, yesterday. #amIskinnyyet #nope #thisisntworking #Ineedinstantresults

I have said a lot today and I have much more to share. This is small snippet of my life. And I plan to share it here on this little corner of the inter-webs. I hope you will visit frequently, get some laughs, relax, learn a little about what it’s like to be domestically challenged and maybe feel better about yourself in the process. At least here you don’t have to worry about getting crumbs stuck to your butt from sitting on my couch, or stepping in a mystery liquid on the floor. #isitpee? #maybeitsjustjuice #we’llneverknow

Keepin’ it real,

#thiswasaloooongpost #theywon’tallbethislong #bearwithme

3 thoughts on “Living in Domestic Delirium”

  1. Oh my goodness, YES. Thank you for this. Although I only have 1 child and she’s now 15, I was this type of mom when she was little. Non-crafty, didn’t play with her much, but loved to watch her play. We had our “things” that we did together. Talk about mom guilt now over some of it. But I can’t change it, so I will choose not to feel guilty. She is well rounded and loves spending time with me, so I must have done something right. I have never been the best housekeeper, I’ve been a full time working mom over 1/2 of her life. We LIVE in our house, and we love being together as a family. My husband says as long we have clean underwear and towels, we are good to go. 🙂 Thanks for this REAL and authentic post! It encouraged me!

    1. I’m SO glad it spoke to you! It’s always nice to read someone write something that feels like you could have written it. #kindredspirits My mom didn’t sit and play with us either and we turned out great. I think it’s good for kids to learn to entertain themselves. But some moms actually enjoy getting down and playing with their kids and that’s awesome for them! We all have our strengths and our weaknesses and we should celebrate our strengths and work on our weaknesses but also be OK with who we are. I struggle a LOT with the comparison bug, especially on social media. It’s easy for me to see what other moms are doing and feel guilty that I’m NOT doing that thing. I’m slowly learning to stop doing that and just be the best mom I can be with the strengths God gave me. *high five*

      1. Oh sister, comparison… the enemy!! My daughter is quickly approaching 16 and we haven’t even started driver’s ed yet.. she has several friends who just got their licenses and their parents have bought cars for them. Yeah, that won’t be happening for us. She has several other friends with Pinterest perfect rooms while she has to settle for her royal blue bedroom because we rent and I don’t want to spend $300 in paint for a place we don’t own. She doesn’t say much about it, but I feel it hard. The vacations, the shopping trips, the outrageous birthday parties, it all starts to add up and I have to remind myself I had none of those things and yes, I turned out pretty great. Thanks for the reply and the encouragement! Can’t wait to read more! #kindredspiritsindeed #downwithcomparison

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